Today at work a group of nurses came to our work for health checks. It is for health insurance discounts. You get a discount for normal blood pressure, normal cholesterol, and a normal Body Mass Index.
I filled out the paperwork, and went with nurse number 1 for my cholesterol check. I sat down and told her that I hated getting my finger pricked. She informed me that the pokers are not like the little razor blades that they used back when I was a lab tech. Ok, that sounded good. Wouldn't hurt too bad at all. So, I stuck out my finger, she stabbed it, and I yelled "OW!. The nurse lied! She pipes up and asks me if I've ever had babies, and that I should put it in perspective. Blah, blah, blah...you just stabbed me in the finger.
Of course it hurts. It's stabbed and it's bleeding. She put a big band-aid on it. Then I waited in the hallway for the next step. Getting weighed and measured, getting my blood pressure checked, and my BMI result. An older nurse came to get me. She said "Who's next?" I told her that I was and she said "No, you're not, your the nurse." WHAT? I'm not the nurse. She argued that I was. No, clearly I'm not your co-worker nurse. Not me. I'm here to get poked and prodded. So she took me back to the room and ran into the nurse she thought I was. "Oh, see you two look just alike!" That made me a bit nervous that she couldn't tell her patient apart from her co-worker.
I got on the scale and I swear it yelled "Hey chubby, get off me!" I did not like that number that I saw. No, I'm not telling what number that was, but it was not a good number! Then I got measured. Yep, I'm still 5 foot 2 inches tall. Then she asked my age and punched all my numbers into a thing that looked much like an X-box remote. She told me to squeeze the handles. So I did. "Squeeze harder!" So I did. Ok, she got the number. I missed the cut off for the discount by just a few points.
Then she took my blood pressure. The nurse puffed that blood pressure cuff so tight, I thought the spot where I got my finger poked was gonna pop open and squirt blood all over every one. Yikes, I've never had a blood pressure cuff pumped up that high before. She gave me my result and it was a much higher number than I normally run. I figured it must just be from running around in the morning and having the cuff so dang tight. Plus I'm not sure if she could really read the numbers right because she thought I was the nurse, and she had to check the BMI machine a few times, like she couldn't make out the numbers. Oh well, my blood pressure was still with in the range for the wellness health discount, so no big deal. My finger poke didn't pop open, and all was well.
While I was getting told my blood pressure was higher than normal and I'm too chubby, I got the results of my cholesterol. Yay! Passed those numbers with flying colors! So I qualified for the cholesterol discount and the blood pressure discount, but flunked the BMI test, so no discount for that.
The nurse gave me some informational sheets on BMI. It's a chart that tells you how much you should weigh for how tall you are. Hmmmmm......I need to grow a foot to catch up to my weight. How can I grow? Dang...I guess I'll have to lose weight. No more harvesting fat for future medical technology to start asking people to donate their fat. But hey! I have good cholesterol!
After a while I took my band-aid off my finger as it was too big and it was hard to type with it on. Guess what was there? A big fat bruise! Oh how, I hate getting my finger poked.
For lunch I went out and had a big fat juicy bacon cheese burger, some yummy french fries, and cake & ice cream for desert.
Gotta celebrate having such a good cholesterol. Tomorrow the diet starts...
2 comments:
Good luck in your war! Every time I lose a pound it comes back to find me. Ack!
I will be on the battle lines with you. I told my dr. once to throw away his BMI chart. I lost 20 pounds, I was so happy. Then he burst my bubble, said that I was still overweight due to the BMI chart.
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