Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Why is Farting so Funny?

What is it about human body gas that boys and men find so funny? How do they have the ability to fart or burp on command? More universal questions that I will never know the answers to.

My children each have a container of stuff called Flarp. It is a gooey substance like silly putty, but softer. You push your fingers in it into the container at various speeds and it makes the most amazing realist fart sounds. The laughing involved in that is something else. Big huge belly laughs and smiles from ear to ear. Laughter until you start to hiccup, drool, and cry.

Then it's even more fun to blame every living thing in site for the farting noises. "Ew, mom, what have you been eating? Some farting foods?" followed by more bellows of laughter. Even the cats are not safe from blame.

The things that amuse cavemen. I'm sure cavemen were laughing at their farts and burps before they invented fire and the wheel. I wonder if the real cavemen played "Pull My Thumb"? Free Smiley Face Courtesy of

Sunday, December 28, 2008

My Blog is Loved. And I Love yours too!

The other day my sister gave me this lovely award. My first blog award. Thanks sis! I LOVE your blog too. Your posts have me laughing all the time.

To accept this award, and to pass it on to 5 others (difficult decision as there are so many good ones), I must answer a list of questions with one word responses. I'm not really a one word person, so this may be difficult for me but I'll give it my best shot. Here goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? Bed
2. Where is your significant other? couch
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Wyoming
5. Your father? Deceased
6. Your favorite thing? sons
7. Your dream last night? crazy
8. Your dream/goal? retire
9. The room you're in? bedroom
10. Your hobby? Writing
11. Your fear? Death
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Here
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you're not? Quiet
15. One of your wish list items? movie
16. Where you grew up? Montana
17. The last thing you did? eat
18. What are you wearing? Jammies
19. Your T.V.? on
20. Your pet? cats
21. Your computer? attached
22. Your mood? blah
23. Missing someone? Sisters
24. Your car? Minivan
25. Something you're not wearing? necklace
26. Favorite store? Wal-Greens
27. Your Summer? Hot
28. Love someone? Yes
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday
31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

I love a lot of blogs, but I'm passing this award and the list of questions on to the following:

Leslie - I love your photography & poetry
Dean & Kelley - Great recipes and Kick Ball people
Irish Mama - Your posts really make me laugh. Would love to go drinking with you someday.
The Francis Family - Sometimes you remind me of my family
Ambivalent Muse - Good diary free recipes and funny blogs.

I also love my two sister's blogs, but it would be redundant to share this back with them. But Mary & Patty ...I love your blogs too.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!

We spent Christmas Eve with my husband's family. The boys had fun playing with their cousins. All of their Minnesota cousins are girls, but they have fun. Kevin and the oldest girl cousin get along so well together. She is more of tomboy so she will play the boy stuff that Kevin likes to do. Sam just plays chase with the smaller girl cousins and tell them stuff to do and they listen and do what ever he says.

Sam was ready to open presents last night at grandma & grandpa's house, so he asked if every one was ready too. Grandma said "No, some of us are still eating dinner." About a half an hour later, every one was finished eating. Sam looked around and said "Is everyone done eating?" He looked around and said " Yep, I say you all are. Time to open presents!"

So it was settled. Present opening commenced. Sam got the game Sorry and he was so excited. It was on his list and he couldn't wait to play it. He got some Star Wars pajamas and a Star Wars bedtime robe. He won't wear it if I call it a robe, so I told him it is a cozy blanket with sleeves and pockets. That got him to wear it.

Kevin got a book about WWII Navy Aircraft Carriers. He was excited about that. He got a Yadda, Yadda, Yadda toy, which you record your voice and then play it back either sped up or slowed way down. It sure does make us all laugh and I think the batteries are almost dead. He got a few other goodies, that he has horded off somewhere, so no one gets into them.

This morning at 7 am they woke up and woke up my husband & I, so we could all go to the tree together. I had to get in proper photography position so I could snap a picture of the looks on their faces. They had big smiles when they saw what was under the tree. Star Wars figures, a stuffed animal, and a poster made especially for them. Then we opened up presents. Sam got a virtual fish aquarium. It's pretty neat. It's a real fish tank with fake fish. It's so nice, we don't have to feed them, clean the tank, and the cats can't eat them. Kevin got a Nikon Coolpix point & shoot camera. He loves it. He's becoming quite the little photographer. He took 100 pictures with it today already. Most of them are just of things around the house. Anything he could take a picture of. I told him the rules with the camera are 1) he has to be careful with it and not leave it laying around to get broken & 2) it's not going to camp.

The boys got lots of Star Wars toys, a Star Wars Dictionary, and Star Wars Monopoly game. So it was a very Star Wars Christmas. They have been having fun all day with their new loot.

I made a big huge ham for dinner along with home made cheesy potatoes, Ken's favorite green bean casserole, relish dish, apple sauce. I made some stove top stuffing for Kevin and some french fries for Sam. I made an Apple Pie with the help of my good friend Mrs. Smith. She sure knows how to make a good Apple Pie. So our bellies are full. We'll have left overs to last us until New Years. Or at least pretty close to it.

And I have a gigantic pile of dishes to do. Where's my fairy Godmother when I need her?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Attack of the Wedgie

One thing I have learned in living with cavemen is that you have to constantly be on guard. The littlest caveman has somewhere learned about the wedgie. Which is too bad for the rest of us. He thinks it is hilarious when he can give any one of us a wedgie. He likes to catch us in our weakest moments. He seeks the most opportune time for a major wedgie. Such as when I'm doing dishes and have both my hands in the sink full of soapy water, or when I'm taking dinner out of the oven, or when I'm taking things out of the freezer, or perhaps when I'm standing on my tip toes reaching something out of the cupboard. This is when he strikes. I seem to be the prime victim of the wedgies. The other two cavemen will come to my rescue though. Then they'll give the wedgie giving caveman a wedgie and it turns into one big wedgie fest.

That's ok...I have pictures of them that I will show their girlfriends someday. A mother's revenge is some times the best revenge. Free Smiley Face Courtesy of

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Daycare Xmas party

Tonight was the daycare Xmas party. It snowed all day long today and was cold, so it would have been nice to just stay inside. But we drudged ourselves out. Kevin wanted to stay home. He didn't want to be with a bunch of 2 and 3 year olds. He is 10 now and so grown up for that sort of thing. LOL... He acts like 2 and 3 year old children are from another planet. They possibly very well may be, but he forgets he was that age once.

Sam & I were headed out. I couldn't find my cell phone, so I tried to call it from my home phone before I left. Our phone was dead. I checked all the other phones to make sure none of them were off the hook. None of them were. I told Kevin I wasn't going to leave him home alone for a couple hours with out being able to call out in case of an emergency. He didn't want to go. He was afraid no one would be there his age and he didn't want to spend his evening with a bunch of babies. I told him we'd go drop off the presents and be right back.

We got to the party and Sam didn't want to come home. I couldn't get through to the cable company to find out how long the phones would be out or what was going on. High call volume is what their hold background kept saying. So I came home and got Kevin and took him to the party. I grabbed a present from underneath the tree for him to have at the party, since all the other kids were doing a gift exchange. So he wouldn't be left out of receiving a gift. Good thing I got them lots of presents this year. I told him he'd have fun as there were kids there his age. They were the older siblings of the little ones that go to daycare. Ok, well, he decided that wouldn't be so bad.

I had a hard time getting that kid to leave! Both boys had a great time. Our daycare lady is so wonderful. She gave all the kids that go to her a present. The kids made special gifts for the parents. She even gave each family a personalized Xmas tree ornament.

The kids had fun, the grown ups had fun, and the food was delicious!

Now we are home relaxing. Our phone is working, so that is a good thing.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

More Christmas Shopping

This year my youngest caveman has been the most excited about Christmas as he ever has been in whole life of 9 years. So I couldn't be a grinch this year. Last night I ventured out and did some more shopping. I scored big time too. My little cavemen will have so many presents to open.

I even got the hubby a few things so he'll have more than just the credit card bill to open for Christmas. And of course I even bought a couple of little goodies for yours truly. I mean, I have to have something to open on Christmas morning too.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I'm officially done getting ready for Christmas

Tonight I bought the last of all the Christmas presents. I didn't think I'd be spending much money. WRONG! My cart was spilling over the top. So it will be a happy Xmas at our house.

Today we put up the Christmas tree, decorated it, and Ken hung up all the outdoor & window lights. It looks so festive. The kids decorated pretty much the whole tree. I just went and moved the ornaments and spread them out a bit. Sam made me two ornaments at daycare, so he was happy to put those on the tree. We have one of those artificial pre-lit trees. That is SO nice. I hated stringing the lights on the tree. I'd get dizzy going around and around the tree and then trying to keep them evenly spaced was a chore too. So I'm really loving the pre-lit tree. And so far the cats have been staying out of the tree.

The kids are so excited for Christmas. They just want lots of presents and two weeks off from school. Such the life. It's great to be a kid.

Well, I got my Christmas present early. I got a Nikon D80 digital camera with lens kit. It's my dream camera. The camera to end all cameras. I LOVE it. It's wonderful and I'm still trying to figure out all the gadgets it has. Right now I've discovered close up (still learning on that one) and automatic. It takes amazing photos. I have my manual and I have a feeling I'll be reading it more than once. I couldn't wait until Christmas though, I had to open it up early and try it out.

The hubby gets the credit card bill for all the Xmas shopping. I'm so glad I could give him that gift. Which is pretty good considering he doesn't have to shop for or wrap any gifts. I think that's a fair trade.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Got My Passport

Today I got my passport done. It was a most amusing experience.

I walked into the building about 15 minutes before they closed. I grabbed my number and waited my turn. There were two ladies working there, but only one of them could process passports. Why I don't know? It wasn't a difficult process. In fact, I'm sure a caveman could even do it.

The lady with the foreign accent was the one doing passports. Now, that's a bit ironic. I gave her all my paperwork. I didn't have my father's birth date on the form, so she asked me for that. I told her I didn't know, and that he is deceased. Well, she still needed his year anyway. I told her I didn't know. She told me to guess. Well, if I have to guess at it, then why is it so important? Then she saw his age on my birth certificate and she figured out that he was born in 1928. Ok, that sounds good. Sure, lets put that down. I don't know what my father's date of birth has to do with getting a passport and proving that I'm a US citizen. I'm 40 years old and I only have to prove citizenship because I'm trying to go outside of the country I was born in. Well, I thought that is why I provided them with a certified birth certificate and my drivers license. So, sure my dad was born in 1928.

She decides the passport application is complete, so then it is time to take my picture. We go over to the picture area and I stand in front of the white background placard. She is holding the camera and then tells me to move over to my left. Why would I move to the left when I am standing in the center of the background and she is the one with the camera? Who am I to argue? I move to my left. Then she tells me to move to the right. Here? Here? Here? Ok...she takes the picture. She shows me the picture and I tell her ok, cuz I don't want to have to move, move, move again. At least I'm smiling in it and I don't look like I just robbed a bank.

We went back to the counter and she inspected my drivers license. She couldn't tell if the 6 on my drivers license was a 6 or a 5. Was I born in 1968 or 1958. Well, lets see my birth certificate says 1968 and my passport application says 1968. I don't look 40, let alone I do certainly not look 50. Good grief woman! So she still can't make it out, tells me she needs glasses. She asks me if I have a copy of my birth certificate. I told her, "No, you have my certified copy". So she makes me a copy. She tells me I should have 2 copies. One for my house, and one to carry with me. She told me I should have 2 copies of all legal identification forms. One at my house and one to carry with me. Yeah, that's a good idea. Carry all forms of ID on me. Now if that's not screaming "Hey identity thieves, come and get me!!" I don't know what is. I tell her ok, thanks for the copies, I'll do that. I'm not going to argue with a government worker 10 minutes before closing time.

She makes a copy of my drivers license, but she blows it up so it takes up the whole page of an 8x11 sheet of printer paper. Then she decides that indeed that it does say 1968, not 1958. Oh, I'm glad we got that cleared up.

After the whole process is done, she has me raise my right hand. I had to solemnly swear that I didn't use a fake drivers license, fake birth certificate, or fill out bad information on my passport application. I guess if you exclude my father's birth date, then yes, I didn't lie or give you phony identification. Because getting a certified copy of your birth certificate is a pain in the ass, why would I get any body else's but my own? I also had to swear that the picture she took of me indeed is me and looks like me. Well, I didn't see my twin in this office, so I'm pretty sure that the picture she took of me and attached to my paperwork is indeed me.

Then I had to pay. I had one check left in my checkbook. I figured that would do the trick. Nope, you have to write 2 checks. So I wrote one check, and paid cash for the other portion. Apparently the money goes to two different places and they can't separate it out.

After all this it is time for me to go. The whole process took about a half an hour. Two people walked in their office after closing time. The foreign passport lady was still working with me, so the other lady pulled the numbers. The foreign lady asked who was next. A lady stepped up to the counter and the foreign lady says "What number do you have?" The lady states she has no number. "Back of the line you go, you don't have a number, you go to the end of the line." The only other customer standing in the office besides me and the lady with no number was a gentleman and he had a number. So the foreign lady decided he could get service first. He declined and told her to help the lady first. The foreign lady didn't like that much. Then the guy pipes up loudly and says "One thing, make sure you always grab a number first in a place like this. What ever you do, you better get a number." I snickered to myself and was glad I was done, because this did not make the foreign, passport, lady who needed glasses, and was working past closing time not very happy.

I left to go home and hope I get my passport and returned certified copy of my birth certificate in the mail in a few weeks. I'm just glad they last 10 years.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Washing Machine Woes

I received this note today from a good friend of mine. She told me on Tues that she had washing machine woes. This is the update that she sent me about her problem getting fixed. It is quite hilarious.

So on Monday when I was doing laundry and my washing machine was done with a load, I went to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer. However, the washing machine was still full of water and my clothes floating. I turned the dial some and it would start pouring more water in, never draining. So I call Pete and tell him he needs to come over on Tuesday after work and fix it. He comes over, turns the dial, it starts up and all cocky, he says to me "it's fixed" and goes back downstairs. I said "no it's not". Then it stops (thankfully not putting more water in this time).

Well, we can't pull it out with all that water in it, so we have to empty the water out of the washer, one bucket at a time, then put my clothes in the tub (thankfully my washer is upstairs right out side my bathroom). Pete squeezes his not-so-tiny beer gut behind the washer to shut the water off then back out to take the hose off. I grab a cake pan to catch any excess water. Well, there was about four cake pans worth of excess water and about 1/2 a gallon of that got on the floor. Next thing I know all the smoke detectors are going off in my house and we're still trying to get all the water running out of the machine. He turns to me and says "did you turn the oven off?" I said "yeah" then went downstairs to see what was going on, only to find water running out of smoke detector! The water that ran out of the washer ran through my Pergo flooring, through the ceiling and out the only hole it could find, which happened to be my smoke detector.

We still can't let the hose go because there is still excess water, so I go back upstairs, hold the hose and Pete takes the upstairs detector off so we don't go deaf. He then goes downstairs to remove the one down there and I hear this scream. He got electrocuted/shocked. He comes back up, we finish getting the water out of the washer and he pulls the pump apart and pulls out two pieces of wire with hair and crap wrapped around them. He starts accusing me that it's one of my hair pieces (typical man has no idea what those look like). And I'm arguing with him that it's not. A few minutes later, as he's putting the machine back together, I started laughing my ass off - it was the underwire from one of my bras, broke in two pieces, LOL!!! The really funny part, I haven't lost an underwire in one of my bras in over three years, so that thing has been living in there ever since trying to kill my washer!

Moral of the story - check your bras when you take them out of the washer, ladies!


Good thing I don't wear underwire bras. Not only do they twist in the wash and stab you in the arm pits, but they break washing machines too.

Also, it is wise to use a nylon wash bag for under garments.

And why do men always blame womens hair accessories for mysterious happenings?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Airline Trolls

Saturday on our flight home, I didn't check in online until Saturday morning. They pre-assigned our seats and they were totally not together at all. We were pretty spaced apart. So we got to the airport early and checked in at the counter. At which point they charged me $45 for my luggage. We all had just 1 a piece. Such a load of crap. So I tell them that we need seats together. The agent tried and she said "for whatever reason it's not letting me reassign you, you'll have to check with the boarding gate."

So when they start boarding we get in line so that we are ahead and I tell him. He says to check with the flight attendants.

We are one of the first ones on the plane & I ask the flight attendant what to do. She looks at all 3 of my tickets and says "Go sit in row 22 and then when the other people come to sit there have them trade with you".

So we do that. Well here comes row 22 people. A young couple last ones on the plane. So they look at me & tell me I'm in their seats. So I ask them if they wouldn't mind sitting in our assigned seats cuz I have to be with my kids and this is what the main flight lady said for me to do. So they look at me like I'm crazy. So then troll flight attendant #2 comes over and says "what's the problem here". The young couple says. She's in our seats, cuz she has to be with her kids but we want to sit together.

Troll #2 says to me. "You can't just take their seats, you have to ask them if they will trade. They don't have to trade if they don't want to."

I tell her what troll #1 had told me. So off she marches.

Troll #1 & now troll #3 come to me. Troll #1 who told me to sit here says "I never told you that. I told you to sit in your assigned seats and then find somebody to trade with."

The young couple says "well, if you can find us seats together we'd really like that, but you can't kick her out of these seats, she has to be with her kids. We aren't going to make them split up"

Troll #3 says "Well, get to your seats, we are ready to go."

So I get up and start looking for people to rearrange since the 3 trolls obviously can't handle to do their job and want me and the boys to split up and totally not be anywhere near each other for a 4 hour flight. So the trolls are glaring at me like it's all my fault. Troll #1 finds a guy where there are two empty seats next to and says "Would you mind having this couple sit with you because this lady took their seats".

He says yeah and all is happy except for the 3 trolls.

Then during the flight one of trolls was going through the aisle with her cart. She gets it stuck on the seat in front of me and starts yelling "Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me!" So I lean over to see what her problem is & see that she is stuck on the seat. So I sit back up and she gets it unstuck and then just glares at me.

Later on the other troll brought the drink cart through and she starts shouting "Do you want anything to drink? Do you want anything to drink?" I wake up cuz she's shouting this & Sam is asleep. Sam wakes up and it turns out she is shouting this at Sam. So I snap back at her and say "No, he doesn't want anything to drink, he's sleeping. Thanks for waking him up." So she glares at me & then doesn't even ask me if I want anything to drink. Then the whole rest of the flight I just got evil looks when they walked by. Trolls!!

Kevin took a picture of each of the trolls. They were old, fat, ugly, and crabby. If you're rude and your butt hits the seats as you walk down the aisle then you should maybe find another line of work!

I'm going to call the customer service line & complain. I tried today, but their line was too busy all day and it kept sending me to voice mail. I guess they have too many people complaining.