The Birds and The Bee's

It is best to have a few cocktails in you when your son asks, prods, ok.... demands to know the truth about the birds and the bees.

So much for the "the mom and dad say a special prayer together and in her sleep God puts a baby in her tummy" BS. No, he needed answers...and he needed them now.

He had the whole "boys have this, girls have this, and that's why they're different" speech in health class at school last spring. I even had to sign the consent form for them to teach him that. So somewhere along the road, he learned that boys have a penis and girls have a baby hole. Yep, that's what he said it was "a baby hole".

So he posed the question to me and I'm not even sure what sparked it, but he went there. I had a few cocktails in me. In fact I think it might have even been truth serum. So, why oh why of all times, does the little lad pick that particular moment to ask me such a question.

Here's how it went down...

Me: Well, mom and dad say a special prayer

Caveman: No, they don't. That's a lie.

Me: Why do you say that?

Caveman: Cuz I know it's a lie.

Me: Well...what do you think then?

Caveman: Well, I know the baby comes out the woman's baby hole, but what's the man got to do with? How does it get in the woman?

Me: Um...you sure you really want to know?

Caveman: Yes, you have to tell me.

Me: Well, you know how boys and girls are different, right?

Caveman: Yeah, so do you get a baby from making out with a boy?

Me: Well...sort of...

Caveman: Well, I've seen you and dad kiss in the kitchen and you guys didn't get a baby from it.

Me: Well...true..

Caveman: Do boys have a special baby maker?

Me: Well, yeah, you could say that.

Caveman: So how do you make a baby? How was I made? How'd I get here? Blah, Blah, Blah, give me the truth or I won't shut up, blah, blah, blah....

Me: (totally pushed to the brink of my head ready to explode)...A man sticks his penis in the woman's baby hole and his penis makes a baby juice that goes into the baby hole and that's what makes a baby!!

Caveman: Totally speechless with the look of horror on his face. "WHAT! OMG, MOM, THAT'S TOTALLY DISGUSTING!"

Me: Well....you asked

Caveman: OMG, IS THAT REALLY HOW I WAS MADE?! THAT'S SO GROSS, BE QUIET, YOU ARE GROSSING ME OUT!"

I left the room and he laid down and watched cartoons to get the horror out of his head.

The next morning I asked him if he wanted to talk about our little conversation.

He turned his head away from me and said "No, I've forgotten every thing you said already and I DON'T want to talk about it."

One horrified kid....mission accomplished....

Guess he'll never ask me about the facts of life again, and I hope he asks his father next time.

Classes for Cavemen or men in general

I received this email today and am thinking about signing all three of my cavemen up for them.


“Be a Man”

Summer Classes
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, August 17th 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant
Other ..
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat,
and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day

Intense X-box game

Today from the confines of the caveroom, I heard my youngest caveman say "Stop doing this to me you stupid X-box! You are really pissing me off!"

(I know he has heard this type of language come from the eldest caveman of the house. The one who shouts at the TV during baseball, football, and hockey. The one who yells at the refs on the TV like they can really hear him. The one who thinks the refs will turn their call around because they've pissed him off. I've even see my hubby get up and point to the ref on the TV like he's going to push the little TV figure on the screen over if he doesn't listen.)

I went in his room and told him if he was really that frustrated with the game then maybe a break from it would be a good thing. It's just a game. So he did. He snuggled his cats. He had some Oreo's. All was well....

He is playing his game again, and I have heard nothing come from his dwelling except the game. So apparently the X-box is behaving itself and has ceased from pissing him off.

I'm not sure what the x-box did to him to make him so upset at it, but I figure he was losing against the game. He hates losing. He is quite a sour sport when it comes to losing. He doesn't lose well. We are working on that though. Baby steps.

Prelude to a Championship

Well...the Rangers won the Championship game. The score was 8-0 It was really fun to watch and the kids were pretty excited and happy that they won. They sure worked hard for it.

Here is the inspiring email the coach sent before the game. It sure did work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each day I live, I want to be; a day to give the best of me
I'm only one, but not alone; my finest day is yet unknown. . . .
I've lived to be the very best; I want it all, no time for less.
I've laid the plans, now lay the chance here in my hands.
I want one moment in time when I'm more than I thought I could be,
when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away and the answers are all up to me.
Give me one moment in time when I'm racing with destiny.
Then, in that one moment in time, I will feel, I will feel, eternity

-- Albert Hammond and John Bettis, made famous by Whitney Houston

It was 71 days ago that we met for the first time in the rain at Woodland for that first practice. What a journey it has been. By 8:00 tomorrow night (weather permitting), 117 EAA games will have been played. 18 teams of roughly 216 players will have taken their final swings of the season, said their goodbyes, put away their baseball stuff, and moved on. Of the 20 teams, only one team will go undefeated in the playoffs. Game 118 will crown a champion.

We have accomplished many wonderful things on our journey together. We wanted to have more fun than anyone else and from the looks on your faces as you play the game, we have accomplished that. We wanted to improve more than any other team and the Red Sox and Reds will vouch that we accomplished that. We wanted to extend our season as long as we could and you have PTKP’ed (Play To Keep Playing)all the way to the very last minute of the EAA season. You are playing inspired baseball. You are hammering the ball at the plate, your pitching overwhelms opposing batters, you are making smart plays in the field, you are running the bases aggressively and smart. You are making clutch pitches and big catches when you most need them. You are calm under pressure. You are playing baseball the way it should be played. You have worked hard to get better. You have supported, encouraged and helped each other. You are truly a team in every sense of the word. It has been a privilege to be associated with such a fine group of people and ballplayers.

As a result, you are on the brink of doing something you will remember for the rest of your lives. This is your moment. We have accomplished everything we set out to do at the beginning of the season. There is just one more thing left to accomplish. Let’s win a championship.

See you at 6:15 or even 6:00 for our last batting practice together before the final caravan over to the baseball field.

Coach David

Living La Vida Baseball

Well, the last two weeks have been consumed with baseball. Baseball games and baseball practice. Not to mention celebrations for baseball victories at Dairy Queen. My oldest son's baseball team has been doing really well in the play offs. They have PTKP'd (team motto- play to keep playing) their way to the championship game which takes place tomorrow evening.

The boys are so excited for tomorrow evening's game. A couple of girls at the daycare Kevin used to attend make a nice banner for the boy's dug out with all their names on it. The team really liked that a lot. That will return for good luck on Thursday.

Kevin's team (the Rangers) beat the opposing team 13-1. They only played 3 1/2 innings. Wow...The innings were long. It took 1 1/2 hours to play 3 1/2 innings. Our kids hitting was just on fire.

After the game, the team gathered around for a speech from their head coach. The head coach was holding the game ball in his hand and he was almost speechless at the performance his kids had just done. About 1 sentence into his speech, they doused him with the cooler of water. He didn't see it coming.

Tomorrow is the last night of the official 2008 baseball little league season. I'm sure there will be a team party no matter the outcome of the game. 20 teams go into the play offs and only 1 team wins every game. Hopefully that team will be the Rangers. They sure have the power and the will to do it. I feel it will be a close game, but you just never know.

The team is a great group of kids, and they are so complimentary of each other. They really help each other out and don't put any one down. I'm really impressed with their sportsmanship and behavior. They are supportive of all team members, no matter the performance.

Kevin really enjoys baseball and he wants to continue to play. He obviously has some work to do, so we will be getting him ready for the 2009 season from here on out. We'll be playing catch and going to the batting cages through out the off season. Then he can really PTKP next year.

Little League Baseball

Who knew little league could be so exciting? I think I witnessed the best game in baseball history on Thursday. Little league play offs are happening. 20 teams in all, all with the same goal...the championship game.

Kevin's team was losing their second play off game in the first inning 4-0. His team came back and tied the game, then ended up getting ahead by 1 run. The opposing team came back and tied the game, and then scored an extra run. Finally, Kevin's team came back to tie, then scored more runs to lead the game. The game was full of great plays, controversial plays, and a roller coaster of emotions. The team, the parents, and the coaches, were all riding the same roller coaster. It was fun and nerve racking to watch. You want these kids to do so well, and you really feel their disappointment when they are down. Luckily, these kids have great encouraging coaches who guide them along the whole way.

My son is just fortunate to be a part of such a great team. He is unfortunately the worst player on the team. I hate to say that, but it's true. Yep, I'm the mom who's got the kid on the team who needs constant reminders of where the play is, where to stand, ect...

He loves the game, he loves playing. He is just afraid of that dang ball flying at him at 45- 50 mph. I don't blame him in that regard. I guess he gets that from me. A flying baseball with heat behind it can be quite intimidating. He does not stand close enough to the plate because he doesn't want to be a "ball magnet" like one kid on the team is who has gotten hit with a pitch at least every other game. So he either strikes out or walks. It's a toss up.

We have baseball practice on Sunday and then Monday is another play off game. If his team wins Monday, his team will be in the final four play off. So there is a lot of pressure to win on Monday. They play a team that beat them by 3 runs in the regular season. But the team they beat on Thursday had also beat them in the regular season by 3 runs, and in a tournament situation, it's anybody's game, and as they found out the other day, it's not over, until it's over.

So I have a feeling we will be living, breathing, and dreaming baseball all next week. I just hope my son steps up to the plate and gets a hit or two. Their team has the skill to go all the way, let's see if they have the will, desire, and heart to do it. I sure hope so. There will be 13 really disappointed boys otherwise.

A Bad Word

Last evening after we got home, my son Sam said "Mom, S-H-I-T, shit! Ha ha, that's funny."

I tried to find out where he learned that from. He told his father he learned it from me, but then he told me he didn't remember. I think he was trying to protect his innocent mother. I probably did say it, but I sure didn't teach him how to SPELL it!

I had to explain to him that, that was not a nice word to say and kids should never use it. Of course he wanted more explanation than that. I think by the time I wasted 10 minutes of explaining he finally got the point. Either that or he got bored and pretended that I made sense.

At least it is much better than the first time my oldest son Kevin said a swear word. I will never, ever in my life forget that moment. The family was headed out of town. We were all packed up and ready to go. We were pulling out of the driveway and my husband discovered he had forgotten something. So out of the van he goes, leaving just me and and my two young sons (aged 4 and 3 at the time) in the van with nothing but silence. So we sat there, until a small little voice came from the back seat saying "Mom, is f#cking son of a b!tch a bad word?"

After I fell over nearly hitting my head on the dash board and put my heart back in my chest from my little 4 year old's words. I asked him where he heard such dastardly words. He replied "daddy said that this morning". I told Kevin to never, ever, ever ever, ever use those words again. They were bad, very very bad indeed.

When my husband returned to the van, he was smiling. "Everyone ready to go?" he asked.

Boy did he have some explaining to do!!

Vacation Summary

http://www.flickr.com/photos/81125618@N00/

4th of July, 2008

Here is the link to my Flickr photo's from Gracie's 100th and then the rest of our vacation. And then the link to our 4th of July celebration on picasa.

At the end of June we traveled to Wyoming for the 3 day celebration of my grandmother's 100th birthday. We also took our family vacation in south west Wyoming.

Here is the summary of our trip:

Day 1-3 Driving, driving, and more driving! We like to take a slower pace driving out since it's the beginning of vacation and we want to take time to be tourists. Stops included, Blue Earth MN, Wall Drug, SD, Buffalo, WY. We hit our final destination of Meeteetse in the late afternoon Friday & got ready for the birthday dinner. We got bussed out to the dinner location. The view was spectacular, and the dinner was really good. Later in the evening we watched the Birthday Fireworks show, went to Cowboy Bar ,and then sat around the camp fire at the Oasis with some of the relatives.

Day 4- Birthday Open House: We did the meet & greet with the birthday girl. We toured the museum and visited the Gracie exhibit. Later in the evening we went and listened to the people performing for open mic night. After it got dark we had to shut the microphone off and then we sat around the campfire and some people continued to play guitar through the night.

Day 5 - We attended a very special church service dedicated to the birthday girl. After church was over, we watched the rebellious young 100 year old get her annual Harley ride. She hopped on the back of her friend's Harley, smiled, and away they went! They had a good ride and everyone cheered them on. Then we had a big BBQ and finished up visiting with family. Near sundown I took my nephew's new wife up Wood River Road for a wild life drive. Later in the evening we joined the birthday girl and other folks at the Cowboy Bar for a night cap.

Day 6 - Our last day in Meeteetse. We visited the whole day with the grandma's. The kids enjoyed playing with their cousin Alice. Later that evening we went to dinner at the Cowboy Bar/Outlaw Cafe for our annual order of BBQ ribs. Yummy, the best ever. Gracie, Helen, Spuddie, and Phil accompanied us. I had to practically wrestle my mother and threaten the waiter just to have dinner be our treat.

Day 7 - We departed the grandma's and headed south of Jackson Hole, Wy. We made a stop at Shoshone for the best ever Malt. I had a chocolate & huckleberry malt and Ken had a mint and chocolate malt. Heaven in a glass! We toured Atlantic City and South Pass City. In South Pass City, Ken ran over a log and we ended up getting our van checked out in the South Pass City garage. We were sure glad to see that 1 out of the "about 7" population was a mechanic. He gave the van a check and informed us no damage was done, we were good to go. So onward to our cabin in the Wind River Mountains.

Day 8 - Toured the Mountain Man Museum in Pinedale, Wy. Toured the dam at Freemont Lake, and went fishing. Ken caught a nice sized lake trout.

Day 9 - We went hiking in the mountains. I ended up out hiking all the guys. The trail was pretty steep and the boys got tired out. Ken ended up having a stomach ache. Hiking back up hill was a bit challenging. We started to get eaten up by mosquitoes and went through plenty of water. So I was a bit glad we didn't make it all the way down the path.

Day 10 - Horseback riding! We had so much fun doing this. This was the first time the kids have been on a horse by themselves. They did really good too. Sam was pretty nervous beforehand, but once he met his horse, he felt better about it. He ended up really loving it. Kevin was a natural. He had so much fun. He even had fun flirting with the blond trail guide. I hadn't been on a horse in over 20 years. It felt good being back on one. Ken did good too. He rode horses a few times as a teenager, and hadn't been on one since.

After the horse ride, we went on the ski lift to the top of the hill. We had a 360 view of the area. It was pretty breath taking. The ski lift operator took his mountain bike up with him and rode down the hill. CRAZY!!! He made it down alive and then went back up for more with the group of people that went up the ski lift after us.

Day 11 - Boo Hoo! Vacation is over. :( We packed up and headed home. We decided to drive straight through home. Ken drove the first 11 hours and I drove the last 8 1/2. We stopped in Hot Springs, SD for a picnic and stretching of the legs. So we walked around the area a little bit.

We made it home safe and sound and weary travelers. Sunday we just spent the day catching up on much needed sleep and unpacking.

It was nice having a 4 day work week, but it was hard to get back into the groove after such a nice long vacation.

For the 4th of July, we went the Air Guard Museum at Fort Snelling. Then we went to the actual fort at Fort Snelling and celebrated our 4th there. It was a good time. In the evening we sat in our cul-de-sac and watched our neighbor set off fireworks he had purchased in WI. It was a pretty good show. Today (July 5) we went back to the Air Guard Museum so that Kevin could sit in the cockpits of the planes since they were closed up the day before. He was in military aircraft heaven. He got to sit in the cockpit of an F4 Phantom, a Hercules, the Mustang, and a Huey. He had a really big smile on his face. He also got to talk to a man who had served in both WW2 and Vietnam. He had piloted 11 different aircraft in his military career. Kevin was quite impressed talking to him and he enjoyed talking to a youngster with so much enthusiasm for the air craft. Sam was bored the whole time, but came along because he's such a good sport.

I'm a God Mother!

My good friends in MT asked my husband and me to be their baby's God Parents. We are so thrilled and honored, so of course we said YES!! This is our first time as God Parents and my first time being a God Mother.

And no, not a fairy God Mother either. I don't get a wand with a sparkly star at the tip and I don't get to grant wishes. Well, just granting well wishes for happiness and health, but not the materialistic kind of wishes, such as a few million dollars, a pony, or extra vacation days from work. So if you want all those things, then you'd better start forming a line and try finding my magic wand.

Here is a pic of the little cutie pie.